So Are They in the Closet or Not?
by Totally a Psychopath
Summary: A collection of SasuNaru oneshots. The only real question is are they in the closet or not?  Note: They are ordinary humans in these stories.
1. 27 Months and 1 Week

Twenty-Seven Months and One Week

"Watch where you're going," Sasuke snapped sharply after being pushed into the wall by a careless Naruto.

"Make me!" Naruto returned with little tact. Sasuke rolled his eyes and began to walk off, purposely bumping Naruto's shoulder. The blonde boy glared at him, grabbing his shoulders to shove him into the lockers.

"Get off of me," Sasuke demanded harshly, giving Naruto a stern glare.

"Then don't walk into me, you moron!"

"Boys! That's enough!" The teacher stomped over to the two of them, hands on her hips. She peered over the frame of her thick-rimmed glasses at the two boys accusingly. "This is the fourth time this week, and this time, I think we should let the principal handle the situation." Naruto and Sasuke's jaws dropped simultaneously before Naruto roughly shoved Sasuke aside. The two turned away, crossing their arms while the teacher rolled her eyes.

"Go, you two." Naruto spun around sharply, grumbling and dramatically stalking off towards the office while Sasuke rolled his eyes and followed, hands in pockets. The two stayed silent, even after Naruto roughly flung the door open, purposely trying to hit Sasuke in the face, though the boy avoided the collision with a smirk. A bearded man with grey hair sighed as the two sat themselves in two well-placed chairs in front of his desk.

"All right, boys. What was this one about?" the principal asked calmly, taking off his glasses and wiping them down with a handkerchief from his coat pocket. Immediately, the two shot up from their chairs. Naruto made wild hand gestures towards Sasuke while Sasuke's dark eyes remained fixated on Naruto's head, as though sending invisible daggers to shoot through his skull.

"Sasuke, this stupid-"

"He pushed me so-"

"And I just defended myself-"

"But he wouldn't leave-"

"Shut _up_! I need to tell my story!"

"Yeah, your _idiotic_ story."

"It's all _his_ fault!" they yelled in unison, turning to stare each other down. Sasuke's arms were crossed while one of Naruto's was in his face, an accusing finger pointing directly at his forehead. The principal sighed and set down his glasses.

"Detention, one week. You know where. And this time, you two are together. If you fight, your weeks are doubled," he commanded placidly.

"What?" Naruto snapped, looking at the man with surprise.

"Sir, this is unfair. I didn't _do _anything," Sasuke protested.

"You two heard me," the principal retorted. "I've had enough of this. You two will _learn _to tolerate each other. Do we have an understanding?" Naruto and Sasuke exchanged glares at each other. "Good. Dismissed." Glowering, Naruto and Sasuke dragged themselves to the detention room, walking around the entire school and taking unnecessary bathroom breaks and extraneous hallways.

Standing at the door to their prison, the two relaxed for a moment and sighed, letting their shoulders sag. Sasuke opened the door first, walking through and immediately heading over to the farthest corner of the room. Naruto followed warily, shutting the door and sitting at the desk nearest to the door. He turned around and narrowed his eyes at Sasuke, who returned the gesture.

"This is all _your _fault," Sasuke hissed.

"Mine? If you just _hadn't_ pushed me, we wouldn't _be_ here right now!" Naruto exclaimed in return.

"You retard! That's not even what happened!" Naruto's eyes glinted and he let out a low growl, prompting Sasuke to raise his eyebrows in surprise. Before either of them realized what happened, Naruto rocketed from his desk and rushed over to Sasuke, pushing the chair out from under him and pinned him on the ground.

"Hn," Sasuke smirked. "Finally lost your cool knowing I'm right?" Naruto growled again, having on hand pushing down on Sasuke's shoulders. "Relax; it's not _completely_ your fault you're an idiot.

Without thinking, Naruto let his fist fly into Sasuke's jaw. Sasuke's eyes widened slightly before he glared at Naruto with grim determination, cracking his jaw. He grunted he pulled his knees up, managing to land a foot on Naruto's chest. In one swift motion, he kicked Naruto back against a few desks.

Sasuke jumped up, having barely enough time to see Naruto charging towards him, fists pulled back. Sasuke ducked and, in one fluid motion, turned and kneed Naruto in the middle of his back. Naruto blanched, coughing and being forced to the floor. His hands tightened until his knuckles were white and looked up at Sasuke, who was smirking again.

Naruto made a desperate grab for Sasuke's shirt, barely reaching his collar. He tried to pull the brunette down on the ground on him, but only succeeded in ripping the entire front of the shirt, making a large tear. His jaw dropped and his bright, blue eyes widened.

Sasuke's shirt opened to reveal his toned body. His abs were hardened in a sharp six-pack, incredibly defined for a teenager of his age. His biceps were well shaped; lean, but well-defined, hiding compacted muscle. In the dim light, Naruto could barely make out Sasuke's surprised expression slowly turn to confusion.

"Uh, Naruto?" There was no response. "Hey, idiot. Pay attention." Naruto blinked once. "What the heck is wrong with you? And… what the hell? Is that drool?"

Naruto felt movement in front of his face. He blinked a few times to see Sasuke snapping a few inches from his face. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Sasuke muttered before simply whacking Naruto upside the head.

"Ow! Stupid!" Naruto grumbled, rubbing the back of his head and looking away, feeling a bit flushed.

"I was being a good person and trying to awaken you," Sasuke sarcastically replied. "I thought you were having a seizure, so I felt a good whack would help. Not like you have any brain cells to lose. And you still have drool all over your chin."

"Uh... sure.," Naruto muttered uncertainly, rubbing the back of his hand over his mouth. Sasuke raised his eyebrows.

"No stupid reply?" Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Look, I'm sorry," he huffed out, crossing his arms and looking away. Sasuke stared back. "What? Dude, quit looking at me like that!"

"Oh, sorry. It's that I was just wondering if you had been replaced by an evil robot menace is all," Sasuke grunted, shrugging his shoulders.

"You know, you're really hot," Naruto mumbled without thinking.

"Oh, thank you," Sasuke replied nonchalantly before snapping his head back towards Naruto. "Wait, what?" Naruto's eyes widened in horror as he just realized what he said.

"I, uh, er, well, this is awkward." Sasuke's eyes suddenly glinted mischievously.

"Aw, you're so cute!" Naruto gulped.

"Um, what?"

"You heard me."

"Where's this coming from…?"

"Me being bored." With that, he gently leaned forward and landed his lips on Naruto's. Naruto stared in shock, then gingerly leaned down so Sasuke was laying on him. He wrapped his arms around Sasuke's neck and pulled down. Sasuke pulled away and moved his head down to Naruto's neck, beginning to slowly suck on the exposed skin. Naruto let out a moan and ran his hands through Sasuke's hair. Hands moving down Naruto's chest, Sasuke unbuttoned Naruto's jacket, taking his time. Naruto gasped as he felt cool fingers roam his pecs, lightly running over his nipples.

Slowing making his way downward, Sasuke carefully unbuttoned Naruto's jeans. He slid them down painfully slowly and took the hem of Naruto's boxers in his teeth. Naruto cocked his hip up and Sasuke pulled Naruto's boxers down. His hands made their way to Naruto's crotch. He carefully stroked this inside of Naruto's thigh. Naruto moaned and ran his hands through Sasuke's hair. Sasuke slowly began stroking Naruto's crotch, making his moan louder. He came to his opening and slid a finger inside. Naruto gasped and let out even louder moan. His hands came to Sasuke's shoulder blades. Sasuke began to pump slowly, making Naruto's moans to become increasingly loud, digging his nails into Sasuke's shoulders.

Sasuke began to pump faster, inserting another finger. Naruto let out a loud moan, pushing his hips up to Sasuke's fingers. Feeling Naruto cum slightly, Sasuke removed his fingers and licked what little cum was upon the tips. He then guided Naruto's hands to his pants. Naruto, with great difficulty, unbuttoned Sasuke's pants and ripped them off with his underwear. Sasuke then positioned himself above Naruto. He leaned down into Naruto. Naruto gasped and stiffened. Sasuke waited until he felt Naruto relax and slowly lowered himself further. Naruto let out his loudest moan and threw his head back. Sasuke began to slowly pump up and down, rubbing Naruto's thigh as he did.

Naruto soon hit his climax and let out wave of cum. Sasuke smirked lightly and lifted himself out of Naruto. Using two fingers, he gathered all of the cum on his fingertips. He began to suck the fingers with the cum, swallowing it while groaning lightly. Naruto pulled Sasuke's fingers out of his mouth and, in one quick motion, reached up and grabbed Sasuke's neck. He placed on hand on the back of his head and pulled Sasuke down for another kiss. Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hips and lifted him up from the ground slightly, pushing his tongue though Naruto's open lips.  
* * *

"Good Lord, they must really be killing each other in there…" the principal muttered to himself. Another loud moan was heard through the walls. "All right, that times that is that... carry the six... add this... twenty-seven months of detention together?" Another moan. "Make that twenty-seven months and one week."


	2. Sometimes, You Don't Want to Know

Sometimes, You Don't Want to Know What Goes On in Those Closets

"Hey everyone!" Sakura called out as class ended. The lingering students looked back, frozen in whatever action they were doing. "I am having a party tonight! Whoever wants to come, just drop by my place at seven tonight. We'll be playing games like strip poker and truth or dare. If you get tired, then leave; no sleeping at my party! Well, unless you want something drawn on your face. And there'll be a _ton_ of food and drinks! That's all; I better be seeing all of you!"

Sakura flashed a smile out to the crowd with her hands on her hips. Then, she reached for her bag and quickly left, leaving everyone to ponder the statement. Groups of friends left mumbling about their expectations for the party. Naruto yawned and shuffled out of the room, heading for his locker while thinking about the party. He dialed his combination and swung the door open, carelessly tossing textbooks and folders into the small compartment.

"Hey, Blondie," said a voice from behind him. Naruto yawned again and didn't bother turning around, examining a few abandoned ramen coupons found in the abyss of his backpack. Sasuke walked around the blonde boy and leaned against the locker next to Naruto's, hands in pockets and eyebrows raised.

"What, no greeting? You mad at me?"

"I already knew it was you. Why bother saying hi?" Naruto replied, shrugging. He shut his locker and turned to Sasuke with renewed vigour. "Anyway, did you hear about Sakura's party tonight?" Sasuke nodded.

"Of course, I was there."

"Well, we're going. No complains, Uchiha, it's been decided!" Sasuke rolled his eyes and grunted, turning his head away.

"Fine, whatever." Naruto smiled and pulled on Sasuke's arm, forcing him to follow while Naruto chattered undisturbed.

"So, I actually got a 'D' on a test today! A 'D'! I'm so proud! _And _it was from professor Kakashi! _He _was proud of me! Are _you_ proud of me?" he told Sasuke excitedly. Sasuke rolled his eyes again.

"Not really." Naruto turned around and pouted. Sasuke smirked and continued walking.

"Hey, wait up!" Naruto ran after him and tackled him from behind, causing them both to fall.

"Idiot… what'd you do that for?" Sasuke asked, a false tone of irritation in his voice.

"'Cause I could," Naruto replied. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Hn."

"Oh, come on. Don't go all emo on me again!" Sasuke sighed.

"Whatever, just let me up." Naruto pouted again and kissed Sasuke's head quickly before letting him up. "Thank you." Sasuke pulled himself up and grabbed Naruto's hand. He pulled him roughly toward Naruto's house.

"Ow, stop handling me so roughly!" Naruto grumbled. Sasuke shook his head and tried to push past the blue-eyed boy, before being yanked back by the arm. "I want you to touch me gently," came a husky whisper.

"That's not going to happen today. You're getting your punishment today." Naruto looked at him confused.

"Punishment? For what?"

"Hn," Sasuke smirked cockily. "For tackling me." Naruto pouted. Sasuke leaned down and whispered in Naruto's ear, "You're going to have a rough day today. Hope you don't enjoy sitting too much."

With that, he picked up Naruto bridal style. Naruto let out a surprised yelp and clung to Sasuke's shoulder as he jogged up the stairs to Naruto's apartment. Fishing out the key, Sasuke kicked the door open and closed it with his foot before racing the two to Naruto's room and pushing Naruto down onto the bed. 

"Naruto! Are you almost ready yet?" Sasuke snapped. Naruto popped up from behind Sasuke, rubbing his belly.

"Yep! Ah, that was a good meal!" Sasuke shook his head as he let Naruto out the door. Locking it behind him, he said,

"We're going to eat there. She has food, you know." Naruto scoffed.

"So? There's never a bad time for ramen!" With that, he bounded down the stairs merrily as Sasuke followed calmly, sighing.

"Really? I could name quite a few bad times; when your house is on fire, a bomb is about to drop on your neighbourhood…" he muttered to himself. Naruto, far ahead, didn't hear him, hollering,

"Come on! It's 6:55 already!" Sasuke groaned and forced himself to catch up with Naruto. Both made it to Sakura's house ten minutes late, huffing a bit. Naruto hit the door bell a few times impatiently. An irritated Sakura whipped the door open.

"What?" Naruto waved at her with a wide smile before pushing past her and running into her living room. Sasuke shrugged and mouthed a 'sorry' to Sakura before letting himself in and kicking off his shoes.

"Hey everyone! I'm here!" declared the overexcited blonde. Sasuke walked in silently behind him as the two were bombarded with greetings.

"Naruto! Sasuke! Welcome to this wonderful party hosted by Sakura!" Lee greeted, giving the two a thumbs up and smile.

"Finally, someone cool! Hello, Sasuke!" Ino exaggerated. She waved with a flirtatious smile towards Sasuke, who promptly ignored her.

"Drop it, Ino. He's not into you," Shikamaru deadpanned from next to Temari, who was ignoring her brothers' glares. Gaara had his arms crossed while Kankuro shook his head disapprovingly.

"H-hello Naruto," Hinata greeted with a shy smile. Kiba held his arm up and smirked.

"Yo!" Shino and Neji stood back, barely acknowledging the two, the latter having his arm loosely around Tenten's waist.

"How about next time, you wait till I let you _in_?" Sakura reprimanded loudly, whacking Naruto upside the head.

"Ow! Sakura!" Sasuke shook his head again.

"Anyway, Sasuke, the drinks and food are over there." She pointed to a table adorned with bowls and plates of food, mostly empty, with Choji camping next to one of the bowls of chips. There were many large soda bottles, also almost empty. He nodded once.

"Okay, everyone's here and settled!" Sakura proclaimed in a more pleasant tone. Come on, sit in a circle on the floor in the living room!" With few murmurs, everyone did as they were told. Sakura remained standing as she explained the game.

"Okay, this is a mix of Spin the Bottle and Seven Minutes in Heaven," she began. A few outcries of protest, some of horror, and a few 'oohs' responded, the guests looking at each other with mixed expressions of fear, excitement, and curiousity. "It goes like this; first, I start it off by spinning. Whoever it lands on, that person spins for their… uh… 'partner'.

"The two people kiss once on the lips out here, then go into the closet for seven minutes. Then, the person to the right of them will spin and so on and so forth. This way, everyone will get a chance. Oh, and participation is mandatory. Any questions?" She looked around as people mumbled. Naruto was about to raise his hand until Sasuke held it down.

"Just watch. You'll understand it as it goes on." Naruto nodded. Sakura sat and spun.

"Alright, whoever this lands on will be first up!" Everyone held as they watched the bottle spin round and round. As it slowed and finally stopped, all their eyes followed the path of the bottle, seeing it point to…

"Hinata!" Sakura yelled. A few people cheered as Hinata blushed deeply.  
"M-me? Alright…" she mumbled. She spun the bottle and, again, everyone watched with hawk eyes. When it stopped, they followed the path again, seeing it land on…

"Tenten!" Everyone roared with laughter as Hinata and Tenten turned a bright scarlet. Neji frowned as he looked to Tenten.

"Would you like to pass? I could make Sakura…" he began, but she shook her head.

"No, it's fine." Neji turned and asked the same to Hinata, but she answered the same way. Neji sighed lightly, but let them go. As Tenten was standing up, he quickly kissed her hand. She smiled at him, then turned back to Hinata. Seeing she was too nervous to even talk, Tenten quickly leaned forward and gave her a peck on the lips. Whoops, hollers, and even a few flashes went off around the room simultaneously.

Blushing, the two went in the closet. Kiba and Kankuro had their ears on the door with Ino and Sakura. Shikamaru yawned with disinterest and Sasuke simply looked away. Neji stared passively at the door.

Finally, after seven long minutes, they came out still blushing. Tenten sat quickly next to Neji and leaned against him. He wrapped him arm protectively around her. Hinata sat across from them again and pulled her legs up to her chest.

"Alright, Shikamaru, your turn," Sakura announced. Shikamaru yawned.

"What a drag…," he grumbled and spun the bottle. As the bottle stopped, Kankuro growled while Gaara eyes narrowed slightly. Shikamaru sighed as he faced the person.

"Come on, you idiot. Kiss me already," Temari snapped.

"Bah… it's not like I haven't before…" he sighed, rubbing the back of his head.

"You know you like to; why pass up another free chance?" she countered with a twinkle in her eyes. He smirked in return gave her a kiss on the lips, much longer than Tenten and Hinata's. Most around the room whooped again. As Shikamaru led her into the closet, Kankuro growled.

"Stupid bastard with my sister…" he grumbled. Everyone waited with small bouts of giggles for them to come out. When they did, most began to boom with laughter. Both of their hair was down. Temari was buttoning her shirt while Shikamaru fixed his clearly-wrinkled pants. Kankuro growled again.

"Temari," Gaara said quietly. Temari paused for a bit, then looked down at him and Kankuro.

"What?"

"Sit here. Now," he said. Temari sighed.

"Can't I sit next to Shika?" Kankuro twitched lightly.

"Oh, so now you two have nicknames, huh?" he snapped. Temari raised her eyebrows.

"Um, sure. Whatever you say bro." As Shikamaru came out of the closet and sat down, Temari sat next to him happily. Both Kankuro and Gaara crossed their arms and huffed lightly. Sakura laughed lightly.

"Okay, next is…" she said, looking past Shikamaru. "Naruto!" People hooted and hollered as Naruto, grinning broadly, spun the bottle dramatically. Everyone held their breath, again, as it spun once more. Laughter broke out as well as more hoots and hollers as the bottle landed on…

"SASUKE!" Sakura managed to scream, since she was laughing so hard. Most everyone was rolling on the ground, laughing their asses off as Shino, Hinata, and Neji stood as a witness to their very loving kiss and them going into the closet.

Sakura closed the door after them and put her ear against it. There was a mix of muffle talking, giggling, and laughing. For awhile, it was quiet. Then, a shriek resonated through the house.

Sakura jumped back from the door and let out a small scream of her own. Everyone in the room turned to the closet with wide eyes. There was more muffled screaming and a few bangs against the walls. The guests began to whisper to themselves, leaning forward a bit. Sakura held her finger up towards the crowd and pressed herself against the door.

"That hurt, you moron!" Naruto yelled. Sakura's eyes widened slightly, though the surprised look was soon replaced with a devious smirk. Another scream resonated from the closet, followed by Naruto's unmistakable laughter.

Sakura turned to everyone, blushing and giggling. "Did you guys hear that? That scream and then 'that hurt, you moron'." Snickers, chuckles, and giggles broke out around the room, some even turning a bit red. "I wonder what they were doing… oh, shh. Guys, they're talking again." Her own voice dropped to a whisper while her eyes shone with curiosity.

"Great, now it's all over me," Sasuke grumbled.

"So then just lick it off," Naruto replied. Sakura gasped and blushed a bit more.

"Why would I want to do that?" Sasuke snapped.

"Because it tastes good!" Sakura gasped audibly_. Did Naruto… lose his virginity before meeting Sasuke?_ she wondered, putting a hand to her lips and widening her green eyes even further.

"How do you know that?" Sasuke asked, aghast.

"Because I've tasted it before, duh! Come on, Sasuke, you can't be that stupid!" Sakura pulled her ear from the door and gasped again, now turning white. Everyone looked at her in confusion.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" Ino asked, concerned. Sakura shook her head a bit.

"You will never _believe_ what I just heard!" she half squealed, half whispered in all her shock. Ino's eyes widened in intense curiosity.

"Oh my God, Sakura, what are they saying?" Everyone perked their ears up to listen. Sakura giggled lightly and whispered, as though she were a little school girl,

"Naruto's… not a virgin," she began. She put her hand up for silence as people began to murmur.

"Well, of course he probably isn't…" Kiba muttered, but Hinata quieted him gently.

"Here's the real kicker," Sakura whispered. Everyone strained forward to hear. "Sasuke is… a virgin." She finished dramatically. The girls let out loud gasps while the guys stared in shock, some even letting out gasps.

"Wait… how do you know?" Lee enquired.

"I just heard them! Sasuke has… er… all over him…" Sakura finished, mumbling. The boys began to laugh uproariously and the girls turned bright red. "And Naruto said it… tastes good."

"This is just weird," Choji remarked with another bowl of chips.

"This is troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled.

"This is hilarious!" Temari remarked, smirking. "I never knew you kids were so 'out there'." Sakura quieted the room as she heard Naruto resume talking again.

"Wow, that's huge…" Sasuke let out another muffled yell. "It's huge and hairy." Sakura gasped again and blushed heavily.

"Aww, is someone scared?" Naruto teased.

"Just hit it," Sasuke snapped back. Sakura cocked her head in confusion.

"Why me?" Naruto replied.

"Because. Just do it." A light bulb went off in Sakura's head and she let out a breath of understanding. She pulled back again and turned to her guests.

"Guess what again, everyone!" Everyone's heads shot up again like dogs. "They're doing… BDSM," she finished with a whisper. Everyone let out loud gasps and began to chatter to themselves, making scenarios with each other about what the inside of the closet looked like. "I think we should leave them alone for now." The people in the room turned to Sakura and began to slowly nod. One by one, or by two, they stood and left the room. Sakura, almost about to leave, wrote a quick note to Naruto and Sasuke and followed the rest out, closing the door behind her. 

"It's been an hour already! WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO LET US OUT?" Naruto yelled, kicking the door repeatedly. Sasuke re-read the note once more.  
_Sasuke, Naruto,  
You two sounded like you were busy. We didn't want to disturb you, so we let you have quiet time. We're doing the game in the other room. We'll come let you out in about ten minutes, okay? Have fun! ;D  
Sakura_

Sasuke sighed. "Damn spiders."


End file.
